Diet Schmiet

As I was writing this I was not exactly sure if I was planning to share it with the world. If you’re reading it then obviously you know what I decided. Those of you who know me, even just casually, or have seen pictures of me over the years know that I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. There are alternate years of vacation photos where I don’t show up at all because I refused to be photographed. I believe God should have made really enthusiastic, high-performing taste buds and the ability to cook an inverse relationship with a weight problem. Hence this would be another big cosmic joke of which I’ve been made the butt, and I’m totally missing the lesson. I know, I know, eat less and exercise more. It’s all about choices, and compromise, and trade offs. My definition of compromise? Nobody’s happy.

 Let me tell you what I’ve done over the years to lose weight… I’m sure at least one involved leeches.

Dozens of others in similar situations have waxed philosophical about every weight loss topic known to mankind. I’m not sure what I’ll add to the conversation but I do know that everyone’s journey on this path is different, so I can only tell you what is happening in my twisted little mind that thinks about this issue EVERY DAY, not to mention my poor body that hasn’t had long enough to settle into one size (large or small) in forty four years. The poor thing feels like an elevator. Going up? Going down? It’s so confused.

Let me tell you what I’ve done over the years to lose weight. And don’t get me wrong, I really have lost weight but somehow it always finds me again.

Weight Watchers (I’m guessing here, but I’m going to say I’ve joined at least eight times since I was 12 years old), Atkins, Diet Center, Diet Workshop, Ideal Protein, The Perricone Solution, not eating breakfast, not eating lunch, not eating at all, juice fasts, high colonics, and probably four or five others whose names I can’t remember. I’m sure at least one involved leeches.

Some things I’ve learned along the way:

  1. I lack discipline, especially when it comes to Champagne and really good bread.
  2. I don’t eat crap. I just eat too much.
  3. I like volume. The whole eat-less-so-your-stomach-shrinks idea is appalling to me.
  4. I’m not good at stopping when I’m full, especially if something REALLY yummy is still on the plate.
  5. Food, to me, is a joyous celebration of life. I want it to be interesting, tasty and fun. EVERY DAY. With EVERYBODY.
  6. When I’m done with one meal I’m thinking about what the next one’s gonna be.
  7. I know my friends and family love me no matter what I look like, but to me size really does matter.
  8. Unless I’m stepping on a scale in front of someone every week there is no bloody way I’m going to follow any kind of a plan.
  9. I’m a project person. Losing weight, to me, is a project when it needs to be a process. An ongoing, lifetime process, not something I can walk away from when I’m “done”.
  10. When motivated to diet I’m actually very good at it; structure, rules and tracking are second nature to me.
  11. I DO like the feeling that I’m doing something good for myself when I begin a new regime. I just don’t know how to keep going when the weight comes off.
  12. I refuse to not enjoy or partake in life’s festivities, which include Margarita’s in Mexico, baklava in Greece, and pastrami sandwiches in New York City. So I need to find a way to have my cake and eat it too. Ha!

So… After we returned from Mexico Steve and I had a conversation about dieting, as he is in a constant state of high anxiety about his belly and I had deleted 30 vacation pictures of myself from I-Photo. Finding the right program and the right time to join proved problematic. Guests, events, holidays, and celebrations are abundant and just keep coming at us. My husband’s last blood work showed elevated glucose, which scared the crap out of me; his mother and all of her siblings have diabetes. So his health (and mine), and my closet full of too-small clothing (for I pathetically somehow feel that I am not worthy of nice clothes when I gain weight) have motivated me to give this another go, hopefully a lifetime worth of go. Weight Watchers was something that Steve and I knew we could do (and had been successful with previously, before, that is, we stopped going) so we decided to return. We even have status as (lapsed) lifetime members. I still feel like I’m a failure, crawling back with my tail between my legs. Barbara, my wonderful therapist, is teaching me to reframe. “Why do you look at going back as a failure? Why don’t you look at it as a gift you’re giving to yourself?” Sounds a lot better when she says it.

So, dear readers, if you’d like to come with me down this path I’d love to have you along. Perhaps you’d like to join the effort yourself, or provide a bit of encouragement. Or, even better, tell me when you laughed at my posts. My plan is to provide not only progress reports, but also commentary on what we’re eating and when, how we’re faring and how we’re feeling, and our continued quest to celebrate the joy of this big banquet table called life.

à notre santé, para nuestra salud, für unsere Gesundheit, …to our health!
Deborah

Next up: the return to Weight Watchers

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